The competition of caring

 

It is amazing how as humans we also grave connection and attention. To the point that we believe that if we don't get what we give then it is not right and we are wasting our time. I am not gonna lie at some point in my life I believed that. I told myself that I will treat people as they treat me, I will care as much as they do. I will give as much as they do. But now I changed my mind. I guess I matured. 

Maturing is not about getting older really. It is about having reasonable thoughts. You may meet people who are way younger than you but they always seems more mature than you. So maybe it took me a while to finally be mature human being. 

I realized that we are not the same. I am not the same as anyone in my life no matter how many similarities we share. So if we are not the same how am I expecting everyone to treat me the same way I treat them. It just doesn't make sense and I understand it now. Let me explain it in a simple way. 

Let's say that you are a caring person, you are always there for others you always give. You know what, that is okay. It is okay to be the one who always suggest an outing, because when you do they show up and you end up having a great time, right? So they don't suggest a hangout but they get excited when you do and always be up for it. So tell me where in this you think they don't care or like to hang out with you ? They are just not used to ask or suggest or plan anything. Maybe sometimes they are really busy to hang out, it doesn't mean they don't care. 

We always like to analyze things forgetting that it will be easier to just ask a simple question. 

"wanna hang out"

"yes" 

Doesn't matter who ask, doesn't matter who takes the first step. What matters is the time you spent with them. 

Moving on, you have to know that relationship/Friendship is not a competition of love. No one is holding a scoreboard to see who collects more points. It is very normal that when people are together they don't love or show love at the same level. But that is okay. It is okay to be the one who always send the cheesy love texts. It is okay to be the one who like to gift more. It is okay to be the one who sacrifice more. That doesn't mean the other person should give zero efforts obviously or else you will know that they don't care. But you might think, oh they are not giving me the same energy. But they are giving you the energy that they can give. If you are a fast replier and they are not, well that doesn't mean they don't care. If you are the one who always say "love you" first, it is okay. Be yourself and spread love as you want and as you really are. Don't hold back feelings from others just because you think they are not treating you the exact same way or level. The only thing that should matter is that you are treated with respect. Believe me respect and honesty are the foundation of any relationship. Other things just will build up around it. 

So remember it is not about who cares more. It is about not being afraid to show what you feel. To be honest if you do so you will be the winner. But again it is not a competition 😉. 

Previously on the life of Alyaa

 

Wow, my last post was on 2018. To think about all the things that happened in the past few years. we all lived through a pandemic and we lost loved ones because of it. I opened the blog and wondered what I should write about. So I went through my old posts and was like hmm, I am not that person anymore. let's take a look about what changed in me. 

1. That Damn Weight  

Oh well. I gained 10 kg back that I lost in 2018. I like to start by blaming COVID-19 and the quarantine life. It was boring all we did was eat and watch shows or play video games. I did manage to work-out a bit and as soon as the gyms opened again I was back. But now this year 2022 I stopped going to the gym daily. I don't know what happened. Maybe I got lazy. But I do know that deep down in me there is this girl who love her time at the gym. A time where I clear my head and worry about nothing but finishing my workouts and I truly miss it. 

But you know what, it is okay. It is okay to stop for a second and enjoy things. Taking things slow and stop pushing yourself. Yes I do miss that soreness after the gym but I am sure once I am ready I will be back. If I pushed myself to go back it won't be good for me because then it will feel like I have to do it. 

2. Being a mom

Surprisingly after years of no cats allowed. At this moment we have 4 cats. It first started with Pixel, she was adopted from the shelter 2019. Then a year later my sisters adopted two kittens. Finally I decided to foster another cat. So currently I am a mother to two precious cats. Let me you tell you one thing, taking care of cat is a huge responsibility. I never thought that one night at 2 am I would be driving my cat to the vet emergency because she wouldn't stop coughing. If I learned something is that once I care I do care. I would literally spend everything I have for them. They keep me up at night and I don't mind it. My hands is full of scratches and I don't mind it. If anything (and this might sound stupid to some) I think I would be a great mom someday. I used to think that I won't be able to handle a baby and was grateful for not being a mom yet. But having two cats and seeing how I would give them all my time and attention made me realize, I am gonna be a great mother to some lucky children someday. 

3. The Caring Alyaa

Now here where I think I changed. It has been a rollercoaster of emotions inside of me. "you should give as you are given" "only care for those who show that they care"" if they don't ask about you don't ask about them"

oh damn, that was childish. I am gonna write more about this in a separate blog because I feel that I have so much to say. But I am gonna summarize it a bit. You can't assume that all people express feelings the same. You can't treat people the way they treat you. You should always be yourself. I mean if you care about someone just show it. if they literally push you away then at least you know you tried. But never hold your feelings just because the other person is not giving you the same amount of care. It is okay, just never change the way you treat people. Never change how good you are, because that good heart needs to stay pure. 

4. Work (ya3)

Oh well, the only thing that I miss during quarantine was working from home. Made me realize how my job doesn't require me to be physically at the office. But what can we do. Let me tell you something work made me stress to the point I didn't want to work. I would go just set on my office and do everything but work. It is not about the work it self, no. It is the people. People suck you in their own bullshit and politics at work you see the worst. It took me a while to understand after all these years of working that I should not care about them. I go in I do my work and be honest to myself. I learned that no matter what, I have to be honest and stand on my own. I am learning still but for now I can say that I am at peace with work. I can't wait to retire though. 

5. Manifesting

Here is where the magic happened. Since this year started I started telling myself that I want certain things in my life. Personally. By manifesting the positive thoughts I think I am getting there. I let go of all the negativity this year. I started it by taking a huge step that I always thought I needed it but was too hesitant to actually do it. But for my own sake I did it. The best thing I did. I learned how to focus on the good things in life and how to always try to attract what I want. I wake up thinking I am ready I am ready to live the life that I want. And hopefully all this positivity will pay off eventually. I believe and I shall receive what I believe.  Because you know what, I deserve it. 

6. Sum up 

Overall, I was in rock bottom and I was over the moon. This is life, it is not perfect it is short and we have no idea what could happen next. So live it, chase what you want and if you don't get it at least you know you tried. I did shot my shots at something and it turned out to be a beautiful thing. So even if it did not happen and I missed that shot at least I can tell myself that I did my best I didn't set around and waited for something good to happen no. I chased it. And here I am in a good place in my life that I actually miss writing and decided to write. 

Untill next time, 

Alyaa