Rock + Roll
Hey I am back!!
I know it has been a long time and I promised that I will write frequently
but
I am just a lazy person!
I was not sure about what to write first
I have so many things
and I don't know if this is going to make sense to you
so please bare with me as I collect my thoughts and try my best
to sound sane
First, what I am going to talk about might sound crazy
I have a feeling that most of you might disagree
so I would be really interested to hear your thoughts
We as human beings can't deny that most the time emotions control us
It might be a good kind of control
or it might lead awful things that make you regret life
Growing up, (and I think I said it before) I wanted everyone to like me
but it seems silly now
I realized this is impossible
sometimes, I don't even like me
so I let my emotions control my thoughts
and it goes down the hill
However, I started to realize how I can change that
I wanna tell you about how I used to be
I used to care a lot about everything and everyone in my life
like either I won't care at all about you
or I would love you so much
so this is basically and truly exhausting
I would care a lot about them
so if they didn't talk back to me
or if they didn't sound the same
I would think that I did something wrong
and I start to question everything
let me tell you an example
I once texted my friend
she didn't reply and she always reply fast
so I spent the next 6 hours or so
remembering all the things I did or said to her
I almost cried cuze I did something and I thought it made her mad at me
turns out she was sleeping ,,,
and I was an emotional roller-coaster for nothing !
I used to always ask about people
I always try to get in touch
I get upset if they did not reply
It makes me believe that they don't like me
or that I am too much to be around!
but recently I realized something
I care too much
I worry too much
I think too much
People are not the same
They might care about you and love you
but the way they show these feelings are not the same
I remember once I said hi to this person and she immediately said that I changed
you know why?
because I used to alway ask about her
Until I got bored of doing that
I asked myself Alyaa you always say hi
maybe she just doesn't care that much about you
my reply was "but you never ask about me"
she said nothing ! seriously she just changed the subject
imagine how upset I was!
I understand people are busy
people change ( I did)
but If you care about someone you will not just wait for them to always approach you
you will treat them the same way they treat you
right?
but people take that for granted
and this is why relationships ends
because one of them basically stopped caring
and the other one stopped fighting for it
So when I treat people with the same level of care they show me
they get upset!
literally like they would ask "Alyaa what's wrong ?"
"nothing I am just tired of being the one who always care more"
So this is how a lot of people who were close to me are not anymore
I stopped fighting for them
I stopped caring
I couldn't help it
It is exhausting
People are exhausting
relationships (any kind of relations) can drain your soul
because we always want the same level of care
so when we don't get the same
we start thinking
worrying
getting tired
and so on
I got that now, if you really care about someone
it is okay to ask about them
but if they don't do the same
it is just sad
People are busy but one moment is all it takes to say "hi"
So to sum things up
I used to get upset when people don't show they care
I used to be really sad
I used to fight for them
Now I don't
I automatically treat them the same way they treat me
and once before people said that if you love someone you will keep fighting for her/him
but If I don't see the same in return
if I am always the one who fight
I will always wonder maybe they don't care
maybe they don't want me in their life
and I will keep thinking and thinking
and as I said it will just tire you out
Therefore, I stopped caring
which leads to stop overthinking about them
which rest my overwhelming emotions and poor brain
So I just want to live life without all of that
Enjoy the few people who actually show me the love and care I show them
Note that I had no idea what to name this post
and I remembered EDEN's Song
" No I ain't scared of living
Cuze it's all we've got
what are we breathing for if we ain't living
and I don't want your love
I just wanna feel like I'm still living"
The End.
