Rock + Roll

Rock + Roll 

Hey I am back!!

I know it has been a long time and I promised that I will write frequently 

but 

I am just a lazy person! 

I was not sure about what to write first 

I have so many things 

and I don't know if this is going to make sense to you

so please bare with me as I collect my thoughts and try my best 

to sound sane

First, what I am going to talk about might sound crazy  

I have a feeling that most of you might disagree 

so I would be really interested to hear your thoughts 

 We as human beings can't deny that most the time emotions control us

It might be a good kind of control 

or it might lead awful things that make you regret life 

Growing up, (and I think I said it before) I wanted everyone to like me

but it seems silly now

I realized this is impossible 

sometimes, I don't even like me

so I let my emotions control my thoughts 

and it goes down the hill 

However, I started to realize how I can change that 

I wanna tell you about how I used to be 

I used to care a lot about everything and everyone in my life 

like either I won't care at all about you 

or I would love you so much 

so this is basically and truly exhausting

I would care a lot about them 

so if they didn't talk back to me 

or if they didn't sound the same 

I would think that I did something wrong 

and I start to question everything 

let me tell you an example 

I once texted my friend 

she didn't reply and she always reply fast 

so I spent the next 6 hours or so 

remembering all the things I did or said to her

I almost cried cuze I did something and I thought it made her mad at me

turns out she was sleeping ,,, 

and I was an emotional roller-coaster for nothing ! 

I used to always ask about people 

I always try to get in touch 

I get upset if they did not reply

It makes me believe that they don't like me 

or that I am too much to be around! 

but recently I realized something 

I care too much 

I worry too much 

I think too much 

People are not the same 

They might care about you and love you 

but the way they show these feelings are not the same 

I remember once I said hi to this person and she immediately said that I changed 

you know why?

because I used to alway ask about her

Until I got bored of doing that

I asked myself Alyaa you always say hi

maybe she just doesn't care that much about you 

my reply was "but you never ask about me"

she said nothing ! seriously she just changed the subject 

imagine how upset I was! 

I understand people are busy 

people change ( I did) 

but If you care about someone you will not just wait for them to always approach you

you will treat them the same way they treat you 

right?

but people take that for granted 

and this is why relationships ends 

because one of them basically stopped caring 

and the other one stopped fighting for it

So when I treat people with the same level of care they show me 

they get upset!

literally like they would ask "Alyaa what's wrong ?"

"nothing I am just tired of being the one who always care more"

So this is how a lot of people who were close to me are not anymore

I stopped fighting for them

I stopped caring 

I couldn't help it 

It is exhausting 

People are exhausting 

relationships (any kind of relations) can drain your soul

because we always want the same level of care

so when we don't get the same 

we start thinking 

worrying 

getting tired   

and so on

I got that now, if you really care about someone 

it is okay to ask about them 

but if they don't do the same 

it is just sad 

People are busy but one moment is all it takes to say "hi"

So to sum things up 

I used to get upset when people don't show they care

I used to be really sad

I used to fight for them 

Now I don't 

I automatically treat them the same way they treat me

and once before people said that if you love someone you will keep fighting for her/him

but If I don't see the same in return 

if I am always the one who fight 

I will always wonder maybe they don't care 

maybe they don't want me in their life

and I will keep thinking and thinking 

and as I said it will just tire you out 

Therefore, I stopped caring 

which leads to stop overthinking about them 

which rest my overwhelming emotions and poor brain  

So I just want to live life without all of that 

Enjoy the few people who actually show me the love and care I show them 

Note that I had no idea what to name this post 

and I remembered EDEN's Song 

" No I ain't scared of living

Cuze it's all we've got

what are we breathing for if we ain't living  

and I don't want your love

I just wanna feel like I'm still living"

The End.