Me Before You..

Hello again! 

For those who read a book that has the same name of this Post *High Five* can't wait for the movie!

But this is not about the book. I just think that the thing I want to talk about in this post suits this phrase.

Me Before You..

Growing up I always wanted to make people proud of me.. notice me.. tell me "What a great job you did there"
Attention seeker maybe I am not sure. I did things because I was told to do it! I was told that I was good at it.

First of all I wanna share with you a memory.

I was a teen not sure how old I was but I liked this teacher and I wanted her to think of me as the best student. So one day my classmates had the courage to copy a test that we were going to have as the teacher left for urgent call and left her papers in (including the exam). So I refused to copy the questions. Then I thought this is it, I would tell the teacher that and she will appreciate it and I would be her favourite. Without thinking I did it. Not a smart decision. First of all the principal decided to punish the whole class (even me!). Then somehow the girls knew it was me ! The snitch ! how dare I told the teacher. So they bullied me for months. At first no one talked to me. Then my friends decided to forgive me for that and slowly they forgot about it at the end. Lucky me only bullied for months were others get that for years.. (but bulling is a whole different thing to talk about)

So going back to Me Before You.. Me trying to be good student trying to make the teacher like me lead to this poor choice.. not that what they did was right .. but the reasons for my action were not right...I did it because I thought the teacher will be pleased with me...

At high school I noticed that I am good at writing. In arabic class we had this exam where you choose to write a short story or an essay about something and I did the short story. My teacher loved it. I don't remember what it was about honestly but she said " You should do that more"
So I did because she said so.
Then I entered a competition for young writers and I won first place.
All Good right?
After that I stopped sharing my writings with that teacher with those people who liked it ( because I moved to another school) and at that moment I had no one to tell me it was good so I stopped. I did not want to share it with the new people I met at the school cuze I was afraid they would not like it.. so I gave it up.

At one point I asked myself why do I give up on things. But I did not answer it.

Moving on,,,about 5 years ago someone told me I should go to the gym and I should eat healthy so I did that for a while I tried to change, then I stopped talking to this person and I stopped going to the gym. Again I gave another thing up. Because I did not do it for me.. did not do it for the right reasons..

And this was a wake up call for me, why do I keep doing things because others told me to.. Doing things because I want to impress people. I was not thinking about myself. I never stopped and looked at a mirror and asked myself what do you want Alyaa..

So after that I said to myself I am going back to the gym, why because I want to be healthy I want to be active and I liked it. For me for my own sake and I did not care about the people telling me oh you go to the gym but you still eat fast food and blah blah.. Whatever I am doing ( my lifestyle) is working for me and it makes me happy so I am going to keep doing it. I am still doing it.

Few years ago also I decided to go back to writing cuze I like writing. Even though I am not aiming to publish a book. Although a part of me is still afraid no one will care about my writings, the other part is telling me "Good Job Alyaa do it ! write all the things you want" "Do that novel" "write those ideas". It is okay if no one reads it or like it.

Because I am doing it for me first. Then for you to enjoy to kill time when you are bored.

To end this long post, I hope you get what I am trying to say.

Do things because you want to not because someone told you to.
Do things because it makes you happy.
You want to sing but people are telling you that you sound like a cow.. well to the hell with them! you go a head sing wherever you are ! if it makes you happy do it all the time.
You like dancing ! Dance your heart out! who cares if you suck who cares if people laugh !
People will alway try to pull you down but don't make them success !! don't make them ruin the things you like! so Just Do It. whatever, makes you happy. Always.


To quote my favourite book:

Live boldly. Push yourself. Don't settle - Me Before You by Jojo Moyes

P.S: Dear people who ride along with me.. Yes I know I don't have a good voice but it is my car and I will sing along to all the songs like I am auditioning for a singing competition ! and you will shut up and listen or go get a taxi